Friday, March 6, 2009

This Is Not OK...

Hey Dudes & Divas,

As we find out more and more information about the Chris Brown and Rihanna’s situation my heart is saddened even more. This was one of those relationships that everyone loved gossiping about because they never talked about it. Now we come to find out that one or both were causing harm to one another. A relationship is not something you should allow to hurt you and break you in a negative way. In all your getting, get understanding is what the Bible says. We are supposed to learn something new everyday. The process is not meant to be physically or emotionally damaging. When the relationship no longer feels right you have to evaluate what's going on. Sometimes we as women have to set our feelings aside to see clearly. When you are not thinking with a clear head it is difficult to make the best decision.

I have stated this before and I will state it again Rihanna is young. The public has no right to judge her by a double standard. She just happens to be famous and in the spotlight. Personally when I was young I made a lot of not so great decisions but no one cared because I was not in the public eye. When you are young, naive and in LOVE you will do almost anything for the one you love no matter if you are in the public eye or not. There are so many women who are in jail today for the choices they made while in Love. It is not on any level right but when we are young we tend to allow our heart to lead and not trust our gut and mind. We are judged by the same standards of how we judge others. We go through things for us to grow no one knows what the outcome will be. "It is not What happens to you but how your React to What happens to you that really makes the difference"- A.R.Bernard

We have to take a step back as a society to look at what this might mean for the youth of today. Please let's not think that Rihanna is the only young women involved in an abusive relationship. If anything this illuminated the reality of what many young people are dealing with today. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotlines website:

"Abuse is a pattern of coercive controls that one person exercises over another. Battering is a behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a partner from doing what they wish or forces them to behave in ways they do not want.

Battering includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels."

This is not an isolated situation. Be careful how you judge others no one is exempt. Domestic violence is not bias. When you see others going through something see yourself.

We need to give our young people better venues/methods to express themselves. As a society, we need to be clear that Domestic Violence is never OK. Women should not be ashamed to speak up and stand for what is right even in the face of inevitable reprisal. There are so many reasons why women would stay in an abusive relationship some are lack of self esteem, love, no other option, fear, & children. Please show children that violence is not the way. No one has the right to lay hands on you to inflict bodily harm no matter what happens. Real Love Heals and does not Hurt.

What is sad is that we are not always able to recognize the signs or the characteristics of an abusive man/ women prior to the abuse. Below are some signs and organizations that help women who have been victims of domestic violence.

Am I being Abused?

How is your relationship?

Does your partner:

  • Embarrass you with put-downs?
  • Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
  • Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
  • Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
  • Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
  • Make all of the decisions?
  • Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
  • Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
  • Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
  • Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
  • Force you to try and drop charges?
  • Threaten to commit suicide?
  • Threaten to kill you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

(From the National Domestic Violence Hotlines website)

If you are a victim of domestic violence please seek help & don't allow your Love to Rob you of your Life.